Shit, Actually

1) "Objectively, there's only one good movie, and it's The Fugitive. The Fugitive is the only good movie. Now, if you think I'm being capricious, know that I have had this feeling before about other things—I remember when I first read Island of the Blue Dolphins, I was like, 'Shut it down, no need to write more books,' ditto with 'The Sign' by Ace of Base—but those feelings didn't last, because eventually I heard 'Poison' by Bell Biv DeVoe and read a little story you might have heard of called THE BIBLE? But when it comes to The Fugitive, I have never wavered. The Fugitive is the only good movie. We didn't need any more movies after The Fugitive. We didn't need any movies before it either. We should erase those."

2) "The true work of love isn't staying together when things are perfect; it's staying together even when things are awful, weathering catastrophic mistakes (within reason) because, well, you decided to, and because you know the potential is as real as the now. It turns your partnership into something that grows instead of something that atrophies. You're promising another person not just passion and love but a safety net, some degree of stability and certainty in a fucking terrible world. You're saying, 'I promise I will stay with you even if you suck for a while,' an almost narcotic comfort that we all deserve. I don't dream of dying adorable; I dream of dying calloused and wise, of looking my husband in the eyes and saying, 'Remember that thing we almost didn't survive? Aren't you so glad we did?' At the same time, though. I cannot fucking imagine. The look. On my face. If my husband came to me and said... 'Honey...' 'Yeah?' 'Honey.' 'What is it?' 'Honey, I have something to tell you.' 'Just tell me!' 'Honey... I shrunk the kids.'"

3) "We're clearly supposed to resent Iceman for trying to stifle Maverick's unbelievably bitching bad-boy flying skills in the name of 'SAFETY' and 'REGARD FOR OTHERS' (boooooo!), but, you know what? I actually think being exceptional is bad. It's dangerous and unfriendly and it prevents us from building robust systems of aid and care. It precludes forethought and planning (oh, a hero will save us!), and it undercuts accountability when talented people do bad things (oh, but he's so special). My Norwegian mom always told me, 'You're not special—never think you're better than anybody else,' and I'm glad she did! Now I listen to other people and treat them with respect and wear a mask at the grocery store! Exceptionalism is a grift!"

4) "He [Zach Braff] and Portman go celebrate by sitting in the dry bathtub where his mom died, and he goes, 'When I'm with you, I feel so safe. Like I'm home.' OH, THANK GOODNESS. BY THE WAY, SHE HAS LITERALLY NOT ONCE SAID HOW SHE FEELS FOR THIS ENTIRE MOVIE. Then he goes to the airport and then he changes his mind and comes back from the airport because he realizes that without his presence she would simply wink out of existence because she is a fucking shell of a person, a marionette, an agency-free boner-golem."

5) "Does anyone else feel like everything was 1970 until 2008 and then it abruptly switched to 2015 until 2017 when it became 2020 and has been ever since?"